At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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