I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
