do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
