made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
