Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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