if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
