so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
