My hand turned me down
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Randomize
