i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
