New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
