Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
