ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
