would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
