id be glad to
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
