I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
