Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
