That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
