The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She's the barista slut.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
