I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
