maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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