this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
