if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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