Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
