Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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