I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
