Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
