I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
