Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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