I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
