when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
