I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
