Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
