If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
