Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
