i would punch a child for taco bell
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
