i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
