I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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