And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
