u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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