I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
