Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
