No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
