Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
