you turned your livingroom into a bong?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
