Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
