my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
