Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
