Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
