people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
