im having a threesome with these popsicles
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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