Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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