and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
splinters make it hard to masturbate
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
