Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
