they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
