atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
