when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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