Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
