So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
