the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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