The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
