take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
