you win again, gameday.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
