And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
