Me. At least after what I've been through.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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