My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
